“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.”
-Henry David Thoreau
Today could have been a moment of resentment and getting lost in the past. By some miracle, though, I was able to distance myself from my story and see pass it, into the role others play within the big scheme of ordinary day-to-day life.
It is hard not to get entangled in the words and gestures of a lifetime. Perspectives and definitions long held and embraced, in times when we could not differentiate truth from personal views, or were not mature enough to weigh the consequences of letting them run our choices; make us doubt our intuition, bury our anger or be crushed by sadness and loneliness.
I do not have the answers. I am far from graduating from this life course. I am just happy and bewildered by a moment in which I was another ME; a human being able to see the movie once more and turn away from it. It hurt a little bit, I was about to fall in the trap, but something pulled me out…
I am here to celebrate and express gratitude for that “supernatural-heavenly” strength that made my day. Yes, it had to be from another world! The person writing this and grinning with rascality is new to me. Let my words soar as a little message of hope for those like me, easily sunk in sadness or isolation by a painful past. Let it be a beam of faith in the power lying within and ready to rescue us if we remain open to it.
How?
Tracking my steps back, I can recall: feeling the pain, reading my thoughts, listening to them loud and clear, becoming aware of what I was doing and telling myself, what is the use? It happened like in slow motion and it took time for me to register what I have done.
It was just when I sat and decided I would keep my commitment to create and work with what I am meant to do (even if it is fuzzy and scary), that energy popped like bubbles and the muse came for a visit.
I am happy; happy not because things changed, or are going better (they still the same). I am happy because the unfriendly outside world could not get to me as before. It might get me tomorrow and the day after, but not today! Today, my spirit won! Today, I saw a different person, one that valued herself and that, is worthy of celebrating. It is a question of practice now! And that I know about…
Two bright stars in the dawn of time… Keep them coming!
I was reminded a few days ago of the incredible treasure of real friendship. My world had been turned around in such a way that I felt as hanging upside down about to fall in the abysm. Once by one my friends showed up, some because I asked them to; others because they must have heard my soul. To all of them I own keeping up; and offer this tiny step of growth as a gift.
To the stern and sweet presences, visible or not helping me become what I am meant to be…
Thank you!
CARPE DIEM
Today…
Is about the questions
Answers elude me
They are nowhere to be found
Mind and heart
Fight for terrain
There’s no making sense
Of the stormy exchange
I rise and observe
From a mighty place
The funny mayhem
Of my many selves
Roguery smile
Stifles the laugh
A stunned victim
Says goodbye
Today…
Where are you going? You used to be mine!
Surprises itself by letting go pain
Witnessing it
Just passing by
Is a lofty feat
Of colossal size
The eyes that behold
Such an uncommon true
Look around to be sure
They are not being fooled
Ego had it chance
And was quickly replaced
An unusual charm
Danced it away
Indifference well dressed
Came to exult
Or assert its place
Where all duty fades
The unknown is by sure
A terrible guest
And Blood shall become
An avoidable threat
Love can be fleeting, yes
When the shell is about to break
Or coming to die in the grip
Of fear disguised as guilt
Today…
Is a second in time
One forged in dear life
Spent to recall the Who
Able to heal the wound
I grabbed just one
One answer in the bottomless Bag
Nobody can steal from you
The vision of our glorious life
We give it up,
In weary times,
Is easier to blame
Than conquer our minds
But heart drips with passion
Igniting the soil beneath
Tight squeezes the Soul
It never gives in
Unhindered Truth peeks
And sneaks through a sweet crack
Left by an inner light
Brighter than a star
Today…
I leave the questions
And the Answers to the Sky afar
To delight in a moment
When “I” was really “I”
Mercedes Calcano August 2015
