“There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.” – Louis L’Amour
For many years, my ultimate goal was to emigrate to a place where I could progress freely and hopefully experience a sense of belonging. Sadly, I encountered fierce opposition from my family displayed as increasingly dangerous battles unfolding around the choices the future I dreamed about required.
The outer voices surrounding me seemed to scream louder than my own, and forecasted lonely and doomed scenarios. The day-to-day life was an open war for many seasons and the inner struggle, unbearable. Yet, the little voice of intuition refused to shut up, and wearing earplugs kept pushing on.
My longings collided with self-doubts and the implacable fear of uncertainty. Used to look for what could go wrong I only saw paths to failure and more than once became completely paralyzed. However, whatever I envisioned sang relentlessly in my heart winning over the many voices telling me to give up. Fear was met with growing determination, and I took one step, then another, and another into the night.
It has been more than a decade and I am living in a foreign country. The journey of belonging and thriving has been slow indeed, but when I look back, I can see how far I have come. Although perfectionism watches with disdain my achievements and shortcomings- and tends to focus on the latter – the “Love & Honor” muscle training is paying off.
The lesson of a past ready to be left behind is precisely to be aware of the old habits that brought about that reality, reevaluating my perception of success, and finding a new beacon to illuminate my path. Today the existential question has metamorphosed into:
What am I looking forward to now?
What would the force, or the longing driving my new pursuits look like?
I do not know…
The space “in-between’ stages is a tough one. When we leave the familiar and move into the new, we need to walk the bridge where the uncomfortable reigns. We are facing a world we are not acquainted with yet and building new skills on the go. Knowledge from other people’s experiences might help if we are open to embracing it. Still, personal journeys are unique as they are mostly born from the unconscious needs and desires wrestling with the conscious goals willingly decided by us or those imposed by others
In the nowhere land nothing feels quite right or wrong. I believe this is a place to wield the sword of intuition and trust it shall cut through the mists and surprise us with wondrous sites. Imagine walking through a cloud into a space with mirror portals that offer glimpses of what we left behind, the illusions and beliefs we uphold while at the same time reflecting what could be and the secret longings of our hearts,
The nowhere land is an inner space of surrender and acceptance because no matter how much I have tried, I cannot control or even know with certainty what is in store for me behind these thresholds.
Which one to cross? What if we fall or choose badly? How do we move on?
“The heart is the hub of all sacred places. Go there and roam in it.”- Sri Nityananda
We all have something that never fails to move us deeply, and helps us remember. Beauty and wonder stand like beacons in my journey. Be it the power of music, the breathtaking miracles of nature, or the magic of imagination and the human heart, something calls me, binds me like the song of sirens to stop and listen. This ‘feeling,’ announces the vibrant presence of something bigger than myself, the longing awakened in my heart sparkling images in my head which bring happy tears to my eyes.
These are signs of the infallible, clues of purpose popping up like orchids in a vast forest, the shields and wings that help me advance, that pull me from the muds of doubt and fear.
“You learn who you are by unlearning who they taught you to be.”- Nikki Rowe
When my inner skin prickles and my heart sighs I know I am close to what matters the most to me, I am touching upon those principles/values that flow like undercurrents behind any material or spiritual desire of my soul.
The better “me” takes charge then and imprints my mind with images pointing to what I am meant to be, the possibilities awaiting, and the. splendors of owning my divine spark and allow it to shine. The narrative changes and the heroine looks a bit familiar to me, like a lost sister that finally comes back home.
How do we turn that “sensing” into intention?
Trial and error
“Awakening is not changing who you are but discarding who you are not.” – Deepak Chopra
It is a type of learning and problem-solving technique used to find solutions. One of the most powerful advantages of this technique is that it does not require us to have a lot of knowledge. However, it requires tons of patience. It is akin to the stage of ideation in Design Thinking that explores different approaches, trying out anything we can think of- no matter how silly, impractical or crazy- without judgment to spark ideas in the form of questions or solutions.
“Life aim is to Live, and to Live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.”- Henry Miller
Giving an ideal stage to perform begins with scripting and acting the scenes that would make our life memorable. This is a task for the soul. This is not an exercise to visualize the new car or home you want but to sit quietly and meet your future self to explore how those accomplishments and joys to be. It is a space deep within us where we sit to listen to a story of our own making, to a story of greatness.
Exercises like: “The Rocking Chair, The Big Party, The Eulogy” can help us realize what our ideal life looks like.
All 3 examples have a common characteristic: they are about imagining we are happily living in the future (20, 10, 5, 3 years ahead) and remembering the steps we took back then that added meaning and sense of fulfillment to our lives. These reflections provide a broad life vision that points to key elements like the core values and expectations guiding our journey.
There are many and easily to find good pointers on the internet regarding life vision exercises as the ones mentioned above. Explore those that pick your curiosity and see where they take you.
“Your own Self-Realization is the greatest service you can render the world.”― Ramana Maharshi
Exploration has many ups and downs, the road to glorious life is determined by us and us alone. Our choices, expectations, mindsets, and actions. I find that Being Me and following the voice of intuition is the most challenging experience so far. I allow my journey to be plagued with doubts and fears and try to use my intellect to give rational answers to what simply IS.
Following our bliss, living in Faith are statement of surrendering to universal spiritual laws that never fail. They have been explored by sages, spiritual leaders, philosophers, and more. Our modern society ignores or looks at them with suspicion, as they are apprehended not with the rational mind but with our inner wisdom.
Living by them requires boldness, awareness, and diligence. Spiritual laws speak of a unique path filled with abundance and joy for everyone, a “destiny” shaped by the choices we make and the knowledge we live by. It begins with the unveiling and the realization of who we are deep inside and manifesting that truth in our daily lives with conviction.
The true awakening takes place within
“The truth is that you already are what you are seeking.” – Adyashanti
I like the idea of being a divine spark unconditionally loved by a Higher Intelligence and with an unique purpose for existence is more appealing than believing my life is conditioned by limitations and struggles. Thus, my work is cut out for me.
Red alert conscious mind of mine!
I have chosen to follow a new guide -my inner wisdom- and making listening to inspired actions coming from high above the default habit that shall make for a memorable existence.
When my heart is filled and the joy is such that my whole body seems too small to contain… there it is!… the light guiding me through the night.
What about you? What are you looking forward to?
1.Photo by Ashley Batz on Unsplash
2. ashley-batz-betmVWGYcLY-unsplash (2)